Saturday, March 31, 2012

Anger management from #artofliving

You go to a parenting workshop and learn that we need to give space to our children when they are angry. Lets take Ram, a 8 year old. He is developing his ego, his likes and dislikes. He has a fight in school with some bullies. He is quite in his van while coming home. He throws the bag after reaching home. His mother starts

Is that the way to keep your bag?
Dont you have any respect for your books?
Your books are saraswati.
If you dont respect them you will become dumb.
etc., you can add more in comments

Now he learns that if something is screwed around you then you have to shout and give back. He goes to his room, bangs the door and shuts himself off.

His mother has learnt to give him space, that is how his anger will simmer off. Once he has spent enough time with himself, he will become normal again.

He comes out of the room after 2 hours. He is desperately hungry and needs something to eat. The father has come back from office. He has the latest update from mother. He starts.

Don't you know how to behave with your mother?
Do they teach in school to throw around books?
We are spending so much on your school fees and this is what you give back to us?
I am taking so much crap in office just to give you guys a luxurious lifestyle and this is what I get?
etc., you can add more in comments

Anger is a fresh emotion to Ram. Ram has learnt his senior bullies at school screw his lunch hour. Then his parents. Now he has learnt to bang doors, leave dining table, find excuse to take a walk or simply shout back.

He has learnt how to express anger. Post few days he could feel sorry for his mother is always crying in one corner of house as he is not talking to anyone and simply comes and goes to his room in his home. Or he could ignore her as being sentimental, emotional etc.,

Now he has become a teenager and master of anger. Similar incidents happen in college life. He gets a nice job and starts work.

His bosses screw and suck the life out of him. And he is consistent with his expression. Either he quits jobs, he curses them, abuses them in coffee break and continues to go down the productivity lane.

Now who has the responsibility to tell Ram how and when to get angry, and let anger come and go. Its a emotion best left at surface. And it will always be there as long as he lives. The only way to handle it is to know it coming and then going. Its not meant to stay.

Your body and mind are not home of anger. Your physical home is not a place to lodge and board only.

Courses like ART EXCEL for children between 8-12 years, YES for teenagers from 13-18 years and YES+ for youths between 18-30 years help them understand, manage and express their emotions better. Both anger and love.
As parents/elders you can improve relationship with your young ones and understand them better through know your child and know your teen workshops. It only takes 2 hours.

As schools you can nurture values in children through NOVICE program.

Do not give your children/youth space to shut off. 

Give them wings to fly and express.

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