Friday, March 26, 2010

Your position is not your role

We get stuck in positions.

I am father and therefore I have to be strict, always discipling and If I fumble then my child will learn from it. I have to be very careful in my interactions with my child.
I am manager and therefore I have to maintain a distance from my subordinates so that they will learn to respect and obey me. I have to be strict and disciplined in my approach otherwise I will not meet project deadlines.

There is an element of fear. You do not want to be a bad father. You do not want to be bad manager. So you behave in certain way. The way that you have seen and been told. You dwell in a fixed belief system.

The only loss is flexibility in your responses. You simply lose your creativity. Not a big loss compared to the grumpy and grudgy father/manager/spouse that you have become.

Where is the fun?

Fun is born out of creativity. Every moment you create a role.
Every moment you play that role.

Your role is not scripted by luck, God, society, peers, company culture. You do not break the walls of morality. You are still confined. But you make a choice of response.

Surprise yourself by hugging the bad boss/relative/spouse/kid today. You cannot surprise them. You can only complain or judge them. Dont worry if they are not surprised.

There is more fun in breaking fixed patterns. If you are lucky you may become less serious with your role. People may be willing to share more with you. Your kid could confide in you rather than his peers. Your subordinate could call you to his child's birthday.

Why dont you try it and see? Life is an experiement. If it works ,fine, move on to next experiment. If it does not , fine, move on to next experiment. Do not return to old belief systems. They have been lived and beaten to death by many. Why should you kick around in dead beat?
Create a new role, a new rhythm, a new way to enact the role. Do not play to the script. Situations are new, responses should be newer.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

How do you empower somebody?

Your spouse makes a mistake, could be in business/relationships with kids. You knew all along that it was not the right decision but your spouse persisted and failed.
How will you feel? How will your spouse feel?
You decide to analyse the failure.
How will you approach analysis/post-mortem?
What intentions will you bring on the table of discussions?
Will your intentions be pure?
Will they be muddled with your personal victory of your assumptions?
Will it be to prove that you were right?
Will the conclusions be driven by your feeling better about their failure?
Or, Will it be purely on learning's coming out of a failed decision?

Mistakes happen. Actors change.

When you make mistake you pray that world is turning a blind eye.
When others fail you want to glide in with eagle's ferocity and rupture their flesh with your sheer momentum?

What is the best way to empower failed people?

Empower means to give power to a sulking soul. Poor thing has already lost the game of life and the last thing they want is a sermon.
The assumption here is that the other person has taken the failure personally and is not in the habit of blaming others and circumstances for his regular failures. They are a hopeless lots and you can pray to God to give them some discretion.

When people seek forgiveness. Why can't you take it at face value? Why cannot you genuinely believe them? Why do you say something like
"I told you not to do this and still you did it. How can I trust you that you will not do it again?"
"Why didnt you listen to me?"
"Its common sense. How could you not see it coming?"
You can add some more in comments below.

Look at the mistake. Its a situation that's already screwed up your spouse's peace of mind. Now they have to face your resentment. All along you must have accumulated a lot of dust in your mind against them. Now is your chance to release.

You might say sorry afterwards for your outburst. You have just released your true hidden feelings that even you may not have been aware of.

You have to forgive yourself first. Only then you will be able to forgive the world around you. The world may have caused lots of pain and disturbance in your life.

Until you shut the generator of pain within you by repeating the incidents like a pirated movie on your DVD player for Rs10 again and again, you will not be able to forgive us and them.

What energy do you give them? If its of trust and faith (genuine) then there is a probability that they may come out of it sooner than they are meant to be.
There is also a chance that they may become more closer to you. Is that what you are seeking in relationships?
The bondings are built on beliefs of trust. The more you give the more will come back to you.
It releases the power from you to truly empower the hurt soul. You have just accelerated the healing of the soul by directing it towards its natural being.
How do you empower in your everyday affairs?

Friday, March 19, 2010

Relationship is in your mind

Who is closest to you?
Do you know someone whose every breath passes you by? Do you feel every body movement of this person? Do you notice every thought that walks past itself?

How much do you know your self?
How close are you with your Self?
What is the relationship that you share?
Do you converse enough?
Do you easily communicate with the self?
How do you get along with self?

Have you ever considered befriending the self?
Is she a distant relative whom you kind of remember, there are some glimpses from memory, i dont really recall the name but I will know it when I see it type?

Once you develop a deep relationship with the self, you have created the roots of all relationships that branch out from it, as the self grows and expands so do the relationships with it.

The easy way to know is energy flow from your self to you. From your soul to your body and back. The pathways are within. Have you noticed any traffic within?

Relationships are like painting. Every stroke of thought leads to the next. The canvas grows and shrinks based on how you balance the thoughts. The dark strokes darken and causes nausea to observer. The positive strokes exhilarate and expand your being.

How is your painting with your parents, spouse, relatives, kids, office staff, strangers?

भेद तो होंगे. यह प्रकृति का नियम है. भेद अर्थ मैं आ सकते हैं, रूचि मैं आ सकते हैं, परिस्थिति मैं आ सकते हैं, कल्पना मैं आ सकते हैं. आप भेद तो नहीं मिटा सकते लेकिन उन भेदों को एक रंग मैं पिरो सकते हो. वह रंग है प्रेम का, योग का. तब आपके सरे सम्बन्ध एक से होंगे.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Relationship is form of energy

We are sitting opposite each other. This scenario could be in office,@home,@dining table,@playground,@coffee shop or in bus/train or plane. You could be a stranger, boss, subordinate, buddy, spouse or kid.
If I feel easy and comfortable, I would also notice that there is free flow of energy.
If I feel nervous, threatened, I would notice energy blockage, some spasm in some part of body, mostly around heart or stomach.

You would also realize that first exchange of energy is healthy/natural and second one is depleting/exhausting/unnatural.

Why did the energy block occur? I formed an opinion about you. I passed a judgement on you. Something like you are fat, ugly, ill-dressed, brown colored, stunted, too thin, sarcastic, silly persistent smile.

Why did I form the judgement? You could have hurt me in a similar way as someone did in past, your current behaviour might be offensive to my likes/dislikes or you could be a perceived threat to me in my future. Something like subordinate taking over boss, daughter-in-law taking over kitchen, spouse earning more.

Why is it dangerous to convert a dislike into a label? Listen to these two sentences.
I dont like black.
Black is a bad color.
The first one is okay because we are all entitled to our likes and dislikes but the second one is dangerous. It is omnious. It is fatal. It labels our interactions. It narrows our imagination. It blocks our energy. It causes pain in relationships.

Lets take an example. Mother takes care of child in her early school. Child mostly becomes close to her. There is free exchange of energy between them.
Until the month of exams near or child reaches higher standards. Father appears on scene and raises the bar of the kid's performance without being aware of her abilities.
The kids free flow of energy blocks as he is not able to meet his father's expectations and he goes into depression. The father is confused as to why the performance is going down and blocks his interaction with the child. Sometimes the mother mediates but she is not aware as father and kid were never so communicative. The results is left for you to conclude based on your personal and your neighbourhood experiences.

In conclusions, dislikes creates judgements which lead to labels. Labels create energy blocks which leads to breakdown of relationships. Everybody ends in pain.

Ignore judgements, postpone labels for next life and allow the buds of relationships to grow freely.

What is your energy quotient in company of certain people? How can you improve it in company of others?

Monday, March 15, 2010

Success is exchange of energy

The definition of success is very elusive. It means different things in different phases of life to different people.
When I was in school and college it was to pass somehow.
When I was in 12th it was to get into engineering somehow.
When I was in job it was to make more money anyhow.
When you were in marriage it was to demand happiness and feel proud in pronouncing to yourself that every act of a frustrating job was for the sake of family and their well being.
I was focusing on doing.
I was focusing on achievement.
So whenever I reflected back in life I always felt less. I could have been an IITian, I could not crack CAT. I could not join an organization during their early stock offer days. I could not go to US and earn in dollars.
I simply missed doing too many things. 
Now I feel lack of achievement.
Now I feel lack of doing.
Did I miss out on something while I was undergoing all this doing?
Why was I nervous all this while?
Why did one achievement led to other? Why did so many job switches happen? Why did I move between so many places?
Why was their so much dissatisfaction?
Doing can only procure objects of desire and improve your external well being.
You will have decent clothes, enough for the family, a house on EMI, a car to move around. Sometimes friends.

You will still be uneasy. You will still be in fear. You will still be in pain. Can you feel the negative energy that these words carry? Can you live with it for 24 hours of your life? Can you sustain a wrenched chest and pit in stomach for every breath you take? Doing will only lead to lower self-esteem and lesser respect of others.
Why is pain the product of so much hard work and achievement? Did you do proper gap analysis?
How can you come out of this self-inflicted pain and emotional damage and abuse?
What is the purpose of your life? Who are you? What are you doing here? Why are you here?
You will know all, when you know your self?

How will you know yourself? How will you define it? How will you set its parameters to evaluate yourself? Is it related to success or is it beyond that?
The journey begins with a thought. Thought is power. Thought is enabler. Thought gives you direction. Thought gives you hope and courage. Thought feeds on thought. Have you noticed the chain of thoughts from first word of this article? It leads you from one state of mind to other. Now notice the next series of thought with care and attention.

I am energy. My purpose is to create positive energy. I never get destroyed nor I ever was born.
In every interaction with another form of energy I should observe what I am giving. What I give now will comeback to me either now or at another moment in future. Its a cycle.

I am bound by a physical body with form and senses. This temple is my home and I need to take care and maintain its state of well being. It is given multiple roles during its lifecycle and I help it to perform its karmas well.

I am human being not human doing.
My natural state is of peace,love and happiness. I am complete.

Now lets move to conflict. I am peace but my expression is anger. I am complete but my feeling is of lack. I am love but I cannot see it anywhere and afraid that if I lose this/that I will be deprived of love. I am happiness but I feel sad and agonized.

Why the gap? Is it because I compare and compete in the physical world, He has, I dont, He is and I am not? Does success means acquiring a physical asset and failure is not being able to do so? Is power exercised with shouting and violence?

How will you fill the gap? Create thoughts that are in sync with your natural state of being while you perform the roles of your physical avatars.
It is not a mission to and in jungle. It is while you are whereever you are.

How has your journey been so far? Do you want to turn to stars and let the destiney happen OR do you want to create your destiny starting this very moment?
What is your thought now?

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

VNIT Alumni Meet, Bangalore - 13th March 2010

Dear Fellow VNIT Alums,

It’s our privilege to invite you to the ALUMNI MEET of BANGALORE CHAPTER on 13th March, 2010 at NESARA, IISc Campus, Bangalore. It’s a great opportunity for us to interact with our batch mates and relish and refresh our past memories. It will be wonderful to see old friends after such a long time and foster new ties. This is also a good opportunity to build your network in Bangalore.

The event will begin at 7:00 pm with a welcome and registration followed by 30 second introduction to each other. The introductions would be followed by a sumptuous dinner and networking and we will disperse at 10:00 pm.

Please extend this invitation to your spouse and kids. It will be great to see them as well for the event.

The event would require you to pay Rs 250/- per person (at the registration desk on the day of event) towards the arrangement for dinner and other amenities required for the event.

Please confirm your participation by registering online at the link below:
http://vnitblralummeet.eventsbot.com

We are expecting alumni of all the batches to participate. There are 55 alumni already registered to attend.

Sincerely Yours,
Deepak Raina (VNIT 1997 - Eltx)
Amol Dhakadey (VNIT 2000 - Mech)

P.S: Please forward this message to all your VNIT friends who are not in this linked-In group but could be available for this event in Bangalore.

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