When will you get enlightened? - from Yoga Vasistha knowledge series

The last question of the session was

Who decides when I get enlightened?

< Nakul's Answer came spontaneously as >

You.

Its YOU. 

Ok, its time to wrap up. Next session is on sunday 31st July at 9PM. Jai Gurudev.

Baffled.
Confused.
Broken.
I was lost.
All my definitions were flying in the sky, scattered clouds.
Mind was unsettled.
How can it be?
How can I decide when I want to be enlighten?
Is it so straightforward?
Is it so easy?
What about karmas?
What about grace?
Mind was flooded with queries.
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The best type of answers don't have questions.
The deepest questions have no answers.
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Who is this YOU that Nakul was referring to?
Was it me in my current disposition?
Will it be me in some future evolved disposition?
Where will I be and what will I be in order to be THE YOU that Nakul was referring to?
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story time
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Gadhi was a pious brahmana who once lived in Kosala. He went to the forest and meditated for 8 months. When Lord Vishnu appeared he granted him the boon to observe maya as he would and disappeared. He contemplated on the boon.

One morning Gadhi went to the river and took a dip while praying. As he was under water he found that he was dead and leaving his body. Everyone was grieving around him. He moved on and entered the womb of a tribal women. He was born as Katanja, a fierce tribesman who had got married and had many children. There was a famine in the village and all his children and friends died one by one. He got frustrated and left the village.

He reached the Kingdom of Kira where the King had died without heir and the royal elephant was searching for next King. The elephant lifted him and he was made the King Gavala who ruled for 8 years.

One day King Gavala got up early and unadorned in royal dress went out for a walk like simpleton. A group of tribesmen were singing a tribal melody. He picked the tuned and started to hum. An elder tribesman recognized him and proclaimed "Hey Katanja, am delighted to see you, long time".

By then everyone relaized that they were ruled by a lowly tribal and created a large pyre and immersed themselves in it. Even Katanja felt that death is better than life. Dishonored he offered his body to flames.

Gadhi came out of water gasping for breath. He was confused at this vision and thought it to be trick of the mind. As he reached home he found a Brahmana traveller looking for a place to stay. He welcome him and asked him why did he looked so worn. The traveller said he was coming from a kingdom in north which was ruled by a tribal and many people killed themselves feeling polluted. I too have been fasting to release ill effects of this pollution and am breaking the fast today.

Gadhi was lost. Next day he went north and first found his tribal village with bones around. On enquiry the villagers told the story of Katanja. Then he moved on to Kira and the people there talked about King Gavala who ruled them 12 years ago.

Confused Gadhi meditated and prayed to Lord Vishnu.
Lord Vishnu came along and asked him, now what? Gadhi enquired about what he saw.
Lord Vishnu mentioned

Sometimes its possible to many people to witness the same dream. They participate in it as if it were they. This hallucination is creation of the mind. So even though it may be true that all these people may have appeared in past and participated in those events you may/may not have been center of those worlds. Now meditate for 10 years and you will come out of all these hallucinations.

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someone asked

How is it that experience with Lord Vishnu was not itself an illusion?

Nakul's answer

When the mind is integrated, focused, it is then truth appears. Truth in the form of Lord Vishnu. This generally happens in puja/prayer, in meditation.

 When the entire YOU is offered as offering to the puja. When the COMPLETE YOU does the puja, only then reality appears. Until then its the scattered mind, all over the place.  Walking from one illusion to another.

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Its like a table full of laptop, notebooks, pen stand, etc., flooded with items essential for daily work to happen. You need them when you work. In  प्रवृत्ति pravarti you need them. When you are participate in world you need them.

but you don't need them in निवृत्ति /nivratti, when you retreat inside, go in. Even knowledge has to be discarded while going in. All items on tables are useless while going in. Just swipe them away and empty the table. Discard all and enquire what comes up during retreat, during meditations. 

If you feel something and be something, enquire it, observe. Keep throwing them away like jackets. Jackets have a purpose in cold chilly outside world but inside makes no sense. Even this body makes no meaning during retreat, like a jacket discard it, move on from body consciousness. 

Once you have discarded all then what remains is reality, the real you, the truth.

And it can happen only in meditation. And the meditation is the only self-effort you need. Everything else is secondary, add-on. Primary is your self-effort, self-enquiry. There YOU can decide when to become enlighten.

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Above article is inspired post listening to 9th episode of Commentary On Yoga Vashitha by Nakul Dhawan Ji from +The Art of Living session being given at +Art of Living International Center at Bangalore. The next session is on 9PM , Sunday, July 31. You can also register online to watch it along with 8 earlier sessions.